


cherry wine

by diapermush



Category: South Park
Genre: Valentines Day Fic, a little bit lmao, it's not rlly valentines day, they talk about it tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 03:37:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13802592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diapermush/pseuds/diapermush
Summary: Clyde and Craig discuss conspiracy theories on why Clyde's dad doesn't have a date for Valentine's Day.





	cherry wine

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this originally on tumblr on valentines day in like...an hour? and I haven't looked at it since then so it's probably in need of editing but y'know. eh.
> 
> posting it here now that my ao3 account is up. the title is from the song by hozier with the same name.

“I wanna get my dad a girlfriend.”

Craig raised a brow, eyes still locked on his phone. His recommended section on youtube was filled with an abundance of animal vine compilations and it managed to hold his interest for the greater part of an hour. Besides the videos’ audio and periodic rustling of sheets, he and Clyde had been sitting in companionable silence. Until Clyde had broken it, that is, with a questionable topic of choice. He was staring at his phone, too, unable to see Craig’s raised brow so he was forced to respond vocally.

“What?”

“I wanna help my dad get a girlfriend,” he said again, but then continued to clarify, knowing that Craig’s ‘what’ wasn’t because he hadn’t heard what Clyde had said. “I don’t know, man. It’s just - this’ll be, like, the seventh Valentine’s Day he’s spent alone. It just sucks.”

Clyde’s bed was the same from middle school; a twin sized mattress that  _he_  could hardly fit on these days. In order to share the space comfortably - and seeing as Craig was practically three hundred feet tall and stubbornly refused to do anything but lay down rather than sit like Clyde - the two had to be pressed together at the least, half on top of each other at the most. So, with the way Clyde had his legs thrown over Craig’s side so he can lean his back against the wall, he felt the exact moment Craig tensed underneath him. It made him look up from his phone and at the other boy, who continued stare at his own phone even though his thumb had stopped swiping at the screen.

Clyde laughed at the way his eyes had widened just a little but ultimately decided to ease whatever panic that had risen in Craig. “It’s not for another week, dude.”

“Oh,” Craig said, visibly relaxing back into Clyde’s pillows. “Thank god.”

“I know. I forgot about Valentine’s Day until I saw Bebe’s tweet about school carnations just now. It’s why I thought about it.”

“Well. At least both of us suck.”

“True.”

“So, what, you’re gonna  _Parent Trap_  your dad for the holiday?” Craig asked, back to scrolling.

“No, because that would imply that I had another parent to trap him with.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I know.”

“To be fair, I’ve never seen the movie.”

“It’s all good,” Clyde told him, deciding not to point out that ‘ _parent’_ was in the title.

“How do you even know your dad wants to date anymore?”

“How do I know he doesn’t?”

Craig sighed. “I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?” Clyde asked, and grinned when it got him a kick for a response. He exaggerated the impact and fell to his side to lay facing Craig, his legs still on top of the other. It wasn’t the most comfortable he’s been, but he didn’t move. “It wouldn’t just be for Valentine’s, though,” he said after a minute. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think he spends all that time at the shoe store so he doesn’t have time to think about how lonely he is.”

Craig hummed, thoughtful. He was used to Clyde worrying about things like that. For as dense as people made him out to be, he was oddly perceptive to people around him and their emotions. It was one of the reasons Craig appreciated him so much, being able to understand what Craig was trying to convey through just his expressions easily.

“Maybe,” Craig started slowly, “he already has a sidechick. And that’s why he’s so busy. His first chick being - “

“ - the shoe store,” Clyde finished with him, nodding. “You think he’s keeping it a secret? Why?”

He shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe he thinks you’d be weird about him dating someone other than your mom.”

Clyde seemed to think that over for a good minute, then he made a noise. “That’s another theory.”

“Just ask him about it. It’s probably a normal conversation to have, right?”

“Probably,” Clyde agreed. He yawned. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

Craig reached around behind him to drop his phone on the floor, hoping it landed somewhere near his bag and sweatshirt, then shuffled closer to Clyde to tuck him under his chin. The other sighed contentedly, shifting around to lay more comfortably.

“If he is dating,” Craig said after a beat of silence, “Let’s hope it’s someone from out of town.”

“Why?”

“I’m pretty positive that the only single lady who’s around your dad’s age is Cartman’s mom.”

Something stuck in Clyde’s throat; it might have been a laugh, but it very well could have been a genuine gag. “Oh my god. Would you still love me if I was related to Cartman?”

“Let’s just - not even talk about it.”

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> if smth isn't tagged that you wanna see be tagged then lemme know. also if there's a horribly obvious mistakes, don't be shy to make fun of me. someone's gotta do it.


End file.
